I strongly hold that children are born powerful; that they are innately powerful.
I have seen (in my own unschooled children and in many others) the amazing things kids can navigate and take in every day. This seems to happen constantly. I've seen so much problem solving, creativity, love, compassion, deep and authentic kindness, and vibrant curiosity - occurring naturally and easily. I think this has a lot to do with what unschooling families don't do; things that the rest of society usually see as 'essential' to raising kids. If so many families simply opted out of those things though, are they really as essential as we think? If the world keeps turning anyway, are our collective social assumptions even valid? I feel we should be strongly questioning our beliefs about raising kids.
We have come to a point, socially speaking, where we see certain skills in kids as rarities. We talk about 'discipline', 'compliance', and 'consequences' without questioning whether those things are a well placed focus. We assume that it's only the "gifted" kids, the "special" ones, who are creative, authentic, sure of themselves, and enjoy learning. If this were true, why have I never met an unschooled child who didn't do these things; each day and as part of their habits, everyday living, and normal interactions?
I find it telling that the kids who are trusted and who hence unfurl in all of their glorious, messy, childhood beauty - seem to be the ones who are so clearly powerful. I am very fortunate to have seen many unschooled children at play and with their families. These experiences have amazed me, fascinated me, and given me deep understandings about what is possible for children. While professionals speculate about kids reaching adulthood not being able to read, 'educational neglect', or the (allegedly) impossible notion of learning math outside of math lessons; these families rejected the fear and are thriving. The children seem to know themselves, know their own developmental needs, and are confident in accessing the things they need to succeed at their goals. They tend to see their culture as a resource-filled place - there are many possible choices, and they can think about those they want to access.
Unschooling believes children to be powerful, and acts to treat them as though they are. Other ways of parenting straight out reject that kids are powerful, and often work in deliberate opposition to this belief.
I've never seen dedication like an unschooled kid working on a goal or wanting to unravel a learning mystery. I've never seen joy like unschooled children just living their lives, free of the burden that they are not good enough, that they are innately bad, that they deserve punishment, that their own wants and needs don't matter, that they need adults to be gatekeepers to culture and play, and that they are victims of important parts of their culture and future lives. These two things - the curiosity and the drive to learn and experience; and the joy of feeling free and safe - are intertwined. It isn't a coincidence that unschooled kids show a lot of joy from being respected, and that they are also curious and love to learn about their worlds.
I have thought about these ideas a lot recently, while I have been listening to conventional homeschooling families discuss the problems of school and its systems. These communities tend to reject the school building but not the system. While homeschooling is not taking place in a school, the system itself - of believing that kids are untrustworthy, should be told what to do, are helpless against wider culture and need to be protected due to this helplessness, and should have their lives micromanaged by adults - is being replicated regardless.
Bedtimes, food, punishment, shaming, learning tools, participation in activities, and bodily autonomy - are topics where unschooling stands out. In trusting that our children can navigate their culture with our support, and that they can exist in their culture and find their place within it; that trust tells kids, through allowing them to be competent and supporting them in ways they prefer, that they are competent. In comparison, when parents fear things such as television or sugar, they may not be meaning to, but they are communicating that those things are more powerful than their children! They are believing, and showing, that things hold some special pull. They are saying, through their fear and their subsequent acts to control things around it - "these things are special and magical, and they will control you. You are not powerful enough to access your culture, and you cannot be trusted to know what you want or need."
But these are essentially just resources - they are ours to use, or not. They don't hold special power, and when we treat them as though they do we are creating a self fulfilling prophecy. By holding fear-based habits, ways of speech , ways of reacting, and ways of providing access around these things, we are creating a unique situation and specific vibe. If we took anything and rationed it, acted like it was precious, and panicked when we thought our kids got too much of it - we would be altering their relationship with that thing compared to what they could have otherwise had. This warping of our kids' opportunities to experiment with, look at, consume, explore, think about, and play with things they seek to learn about, is one of the ways we negatively influence their abilities. This crosses into the theory of unschooling, but I think it matters more widely because it is one of the ways we steer kids away from themselves and from their individual learning journeys; and into things we have created from our own fear and meddling. Not only are we demonstrating our lack of faith in them, but we are setting them up to prove us right when they inevitably act weird around the stuff we fear, control, and are upset about.
Trendy phrases like "the sacred wisdom of children", "children have intuition that we have lost as adults", "we can learn so much from children", and ideas such as "Indigo children" or "old souls" don't mean much when actions deprive children of their natural (and, I believe, rightful) power and knowing. Does it matter if you think of your child as an Indigo Child but then claim that "screen time" is ruining children and sabotaging childhoods? If your child is magical, why don't you trust them? Why are you teaching them that they are untrustworthy? Ideas don't mean anything when the reality of your actions trash those nice-sounding theories.
All this is a huge part of why I believe Unschooling to be the way of parenting that most fits with the biological needs of human children. It does not make sense to block our children from vital parts of culture because of a fear that they won't be able to learn about it in healthy ways. That is not how humans learn best, and to try to control everything is a modern experiment. It is fundamentally underestimating children and the ways in which they naturally embrace the world and think carefully about what parts of it they wish to access, and how.
It is generally seen as helpful to control kids, to restrict their choices (and give an illusion of choice) and to deprive them of the "dangerous", "addictive" parts of culture that they seek to learn about. But, this is their culture! They are going to become adults in this very culture that they are being deliberately removed from. We cannot change that no matter how worried we are about parts of it. If children cannot learn about their culture, how can they hope to be able to source from it what they need for their lives? To deny someone culture because resources are allegedly stronger than them - is telling children that they are not capable, and treating them as such. It isn't subtle. It is assuming that our children cannot be trusted and cannot make decisions about their own lives.
I trust my children. They are amazing and powerful and beautiful and wonderful. I think it is a social problem that it is now normal to raise children while constantly telling them that objects, ideas, or words are more powerful than them. I think this is a sure path to taking their natural power, then convincing them they never have any. But why would we want to take that away from our children? And, how would our children be if they believed (without question, because they never stopped believing it in the first place) themselves to be powerful, and if they approached their world with that confidence and ability?
Ipads, soft drink, late nights, toy marketing, television, lollies, swear words, Minecraft, Trick or Treating, advertisements, truth, or any other object or thing - aren't more powerful than children. When you tell your children that they are not capable of navigating objects, things, or words - you are telling them that they are not capable, and you are denying them the right to grow into their power; to feel it, to know it, and to learn to use it. I think that families need this power back. We need to stop believing that our children aren't competent at their own lives. They are.
I have seen (in my own unschooled children and in many others) the amazing things kids can navigate and take in every day. This seems to happen constantly. I've seen so much problem solving, creativity, love, compassion, deep and authentic kindness, and vibrant curiosity - occurring naturally and easily. I think this has a lot to do with what unschooling families don't do; things that the rest of society usually see as 'essential' to raising kids. If so many families simply opted out of those things though, are they really as essential as we think? If the world keeps turning anyway, are our collective social assumptions even valid? I feel we should be strongly questioning our beliefs about raising kids.
We have come to a point, socially speaking, where we see certain skills in kids as rarities. We talk about 'discipline', 'compliance', and 'consequences' without questioning whether those things are a well placed focus. We assume that it's only the "gifted" kids, the "special" ones, who are creative, authentic, sure of themselves, and enjoy learning. If this were true, why have I never met an unschooled child who didn't do these things; each day and as part of their habits, everyday living, and normal interactions?
I find it telling that the kids who are trusted and who hence unfurl in all of their glorious, messy, childhood beauty - seem to be the ones who are so clearly powerful. I am very fortunate to have seen many unschooled children at play and with their families. These experiences have amazed me, fascinated me, and given me deep understandings about what is possible for children. While professionals speculate about kids reaching adulthood not being able to read, 'educational neglect', or the (allegedly) impossible notion of learning math outside of math lessons; these families rejected the fear and are thriving. The children seem to know themselves, know their own developmental needs, and are confident in accessing the things they need to succeed at their goals. They tend to see their culture as a resource-filled place - there are many possible choices, and they can think about those they want to access.
Unschooling believes children to be powerful, and acts to treat them as though they are. Other ways of parenting straight out reject that kids are powerful, and often work in deliberate opposition to this belief.
I've never seen dedication like an unschooled kid working on a goal or wanting to unravel a learning mystery. I've never seen joy like unschooled children just living their lives, free of the burden that they are not good enough, that they are innately bad, that they deserve punishment, that their own wants and needs don't matter, that they need adults to be gatekeepers to culture and play, and that they are victims of important parts of their culture and future lives. These two things - the curiosity and the drive to learn and experience; and the joy of feeling free and safe - are intertwined. It isn't a coincidence that unschooled kids show a lot of joy from being respected, and that they are also curious and love to learn about their worlds.
I have thought about these ideas a lot recently, while I have been listening to conventional homeschooling families discuss the problems of school and its systems. These communities tend to reject the school building but not the system. While homeschooling is not taking place in a school, the system itself - of believing that kids are untrustworthy, should be told what to do, are helpless against wider culture and need to be protected due to this helplessness, and should have their lives micromanaged by adults - is being replicated regardless.
Bedtimes, food, punishment, shaming, learning tools, participation in activities, and bodily autonomy - are topics where unschooling stands out. In trusting that our children can navigate their culture with our support, and that they can exist in their culture and find their place within it; that trust tells kids, through allowing them to be competent and supporting them in ways they prefer, that they are competent. In comparison, when parents fear things such as television or sugar, they may not be meaning to, but they are communicating that those things are more powerful than their children! They are believing, and showing, that things hold some special pull. They are saying, through their fear and their subsequent acts to control things around it - "these things are special and magical, and they will control you. You are not powerful enough to access your culture, and you cannot be trusted to know what you want or need."
But these are essentially just resources - they are ours to use, or not. They don't hold special power, and when we treat them as though they do we are creating a self fulfilling prophecy. By holding fear-based habits, ways of speech , ways of reacting, and ways of providing access around these things, we are creating a unique situation and specific vibe. If we took anything and rationed it, acted like it was precious, and panicked when we thought our kids got too much of it - we would be altering their relationship with that thing compared to what they could have otherwise had. This warping of our kids' opportunities to experiment with, look at, consume, explore, think about, and play with things they seek to learn about, is one of the ways we negatively influence their abilities. This crosses into the theory of unschooling, but I think it matters more widely because it is one of the ways we steer kids away from themselves and from their individual learning journeys; and into things we have created from our own fear and meddling. Not only are we demonstrating our lack of faith in them, but we are setting them up to prove us right when they inevitably act weird around the stuff we fear, control, and are upset about.
Trendy phrases like "the sacred wisdom of children", "children have intuition that we have lost as adults", "we can learn so much from children", and ideas such as "Indigo children" or "old souls" don't mean much when actions deprive children of their natural (and, I believe, rightful) power and knowing. Does it matter if you think of your child as an Indigo Child but then claim that "screen time" is ruining children and sabotaging childhoods? If your child is magical, why don't you trust them? Why are you teaching them that they are untrustworthy? Ideas don't mean anything when the reality of your actions trash those nice-sounding theories.
All this is a huge part of why I believe Unschooling to be the way of parenting that most fits with the biological needs of human children. It does not make sense to block our children from vital parts of culture because of a fear that they won't be able to learn about it in healthy ways. That is not how humans learn best, and to try to control everything is a modern experiment. It is fundamentally underestimating children and the ways in which they naturally embrace the world and think carefully about what parts of it they wish to access, and how.
It is generally seen as helpful to control kids, to restrict their choices (and give an illusion of choice) and to deprive them of the "dangerous", "addictive" parts of culture that they seek to learn about. But, this is their culture! They are going to become adults in this very culture that they are being deliberately removed from. We cannot change that no matter how worried we are about parts of it. If children cannot learn about their culture, how can they hope to be able to source from it what they need for their lives? To deny someone culture because resources are allegedly stronger than them - is telling children that they are not capable, and treating them as such. It isn't subtle. It is assuming that our children cannot be trusted and cannot make decisions about their own lives.
I trust my children. They are amazing and powerful and beautiful and wonderful. I think it is a social problem that it is now normal to raise children while constantly telling them that objects, ideas, or words are more powerful than them. I think this is a sure path to taking their natural power, then convincing them they never have any. But why would we want to take that away from our children? And, how would our children be if they believed (without question, because they never stopped believing it in the first place) themselves to be powerful, and if they approached their world with that confidence and ability?
Ipads, soft drink, late nights, toy marketing, television, lollies, swear words, Minecraft, Trick or Treating, advertisements, truth, or any other object or thing - aren't more powerful than children. When you tell your children that they are not capable of navigating objects, things, or words - you are telling them that they are not capable, and you are denying them the right to grow into their power; to feel it, to know it, and to learn to use it. I think that families need this power back. We need to stop believing that our children aren't competent at their own lives. They are.
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